So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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