You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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