That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
