Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
