It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
