Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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