okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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