sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
