Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
