she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
