A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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