I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
