i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
