using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
