Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
