In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
