Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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