butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
