I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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