in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
