you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there's paper in my vomit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
