apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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