Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
