Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
