glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
