a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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