My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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