I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
