I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
