I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
