I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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