sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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