She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
