so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
