new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
