I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
