Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
