Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
