So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
