he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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