I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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