Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize