Buhtt sex?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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