I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Never joke about your clitoris.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
