they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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