Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
