So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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