i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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