God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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