I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
