You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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