This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
