Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
