I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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