She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
