And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
