I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
