He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
