She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
