You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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