i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
