whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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