I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
