There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
