I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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