I think my vagina is haunted
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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