woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
