i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
