i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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