Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
