I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Houston, we have a squirter
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
