if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
