I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Someone signed my nipple.
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