too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
