I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
