The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
