a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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