Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.