Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
