We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.