I feel great
I just peed on a car
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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