I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
