My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
