I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
